Yesterday didn’t do it for me. I woke up feeling flat, went for a walk trying to ignite some internal sunshine and returned home uninspired, my head churning with questions and doubts. All day I felt deflated and I couldn’t lift myself out of my mellow mood.
In days gone by that would have been a day when I poured myself a drink and escaped into the river Denial which flows wildly with Pinot Grigio.
Instead I went through the motions, ticked off some things to do and put myself to bed early. Some days the magic doesn’t happen. Learning to get through those days and ride the flat waves out is a skill one has to carefully master in sobriety.
Gone are the days where a buzz is an arms’ reach away, faux happiness doesn’t come in a glass anymore and you can’t fling yourself into oblivion on demand.
On other mornings, my eyes ping themselves open. I already have a spring fitted in my step as my feet eagerly touch down from the bed to begin the day and I float on a natural high. These are also the days where I would pour myself a drink and celebrate not bathing in the river Denial that day. Therein, lay my problem.
The truth is: “Sobriety is like pizza. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty damn good”.
When it’s good, it’s lip-smackingly, divinely amazing; you don’t have to remind yourself why you don’t drink anymore because you feel it with every ounce of your being. It’s a mouth-watering pizza laden with tantalizing toppings and you zing through your day dancing because of all the tasty, surprising twists that you find.
When it’s bad, I’ve found it’s important to remind myself that it’s still better than the dark depths I was dragged to.
Truth is, not every day can be a fancy, special pizza slice of perfection. Sometimes Margherita pizza is fine (note: not a Margarita).
Get outside for a drive, curl up and read, watch a movie to change your thought pattern, busy yourself for a few hours doing something productive and then call it a day. In successfully navigating the tempestuous tranquillity you’ve successfully achieved another day when you didn’t make anything any worse. You didn’t give in, you didn’t give up and you haven’t left yourself with even more to worry about tomorrow. Remember, you’re going forward now, not round in a tortuous circle.
And besides, who knows what tomorrow will serve up?